Fashion-show attendees are advised to press both eyelids firmly down until all affected models have left the runway.
HE FASHION industry has been rocked by the news that many of the supermodels they depend upon to robotically stomp down runways wearing the creations of high-end designers may be flawed by a self-obsessing defect that leaves their dependability as mannequins in question.
Said a spokesman for the Consumer Protection Agency, "Although supermodels have always been self-centered, we are now hearing complaints from some fashion houses of self-obsessing behavior that is serious enough to cause injury to the designers and seamstresses that are exposed to the defective supermodels. We will not rest until all our supermodels are safe to operate in our dressing rooms and runways."
According to the spokesman, fashion agencies "have pooled their considerable expertise" into designing a fix they believe will address the self-obsessing problem.
"First, all mirrors have been removed from any agency that represents one of the affected super models," said the CPA spokesman. "This will reduce the likelihood that a supermodel leaves the showroom floor with unsafe levels of self-obsessing. Yes, her lipstick may be comically applied, but that can be remedied in the client's hair and makeup room.
"In addition," continued the spokesman, "every new and current supermodel will be required to demonstrate to her agency's satisfaction that she is capable of engaging in a conversation on at least two other topics that don't involve her in any way. If she starts listing toward herself, then we need to look under the hood."
Designers with imminent runway shows are urged to bring in their supermodels for a checkup. Signs of potential self-obsessing include rattling on about herself while completely stationary, when she should be rattling on about herself while stepping into a garment; staring into the mirror after being alerted more than three hundred times that everyone's waiting; and never falling down on the runway while wearing six-inch heels.
"We all know it isn't a runway show without at least one supermodel falling on her bony behind in heels designed for such a purpose," said the CPA spokesman. "We are committed to ensuring that every supermodel is retrofitted with all the features the fashion industry expects and deserves."
© 2.9.10 Kate Heidel