Woody Allen and Roman Polanski Open Shelter for Underage Runaway Girls

Nonjudgmental environment allows the teens to flourish in their underwear.

New York City, Lower Manhattan, 26 Broadway "Standard Oil Building" 1921-28.
photo credit: Vincent Desjardins

OLLOWING ON Woody Allen's recent defense of Roman Polanski, the two noted film directors and teenage-girl aficionados have put their heads together to establish their first Center for Underage Runaway Girls in Manhattan.

A fifteen year-old spokes girl named Lolli said that the center "aims to make underage girls feel like there's a place we can go when our parents don't understand us, or when Woody or Roman are in town and would like to take some Polaroids. Those are like magic, by the way. It comes out black, but two minutes later, there I am!"

The center serves girls ages 13 to 17 who come from troubled backgrounds, or, said Lolli, "who have been personally screened by Woody or Roman and found to be wise beyond their years. Sort of like me!"

Mr. Polanski, currently under house arrest, is said through channels to be growing extremely impatient to visit the center with Mr. Allen, who was busy, Lolli said, "taking enough Polaroids for the both of them."

The Center for Underage Runaway Girls is considered world class in amenities as compared to the average shelter. Although its capacity is relatively low, at only ten beds, each girl has her own room furnished with a king-sized bed—inclusive of maid service, with a negligible up-charge for massage—premium cable, and a jacuzzi for two.

Girls may spend as much time at the Allen-Polanski shelter as they feel they need to until age 18, but must perform various chores to earn their keep.

Explained Lolli, "Our runaways do things like loading the dishwasher, folding underwear graciously donated by Victoria's Secret, and cleaning the mirrors over our beds. Roman Skyped us the other day to demonstrate piggybacking to get way up there. We use all-natural glass cleaner, by the way, not Windex, which is environmentally gross!"

Plans for future underage runaway centers include locations in Geneva, London, and the Italian Riviera.

"I'm very excited about the new centers opening," concluded Lolli, "because according to Woody and Roman, that's where the girls are extremely under-served yet sophisticated beyond their years. Gosh, just like me!"