Romney Pledge: 'All Private Jet Windows Will Open When I Am President!'

Wife Ann's experience makes "tragedy of poor workmanship" personal for Romney.

Mitt Romney
photo credit: Gage Skidmore

ESPONDING TO pressures to retool in the final weeks of his presidential bid, Mitt Romney pledged in Ohio this morning "to focus like a laser on the issues that matter most to me."

True to his word, Mr. Romney spoke of his wife's issues with her campaign jet's windows, which would not open when she had to make an emergency landing in Colorado.

"My wife's inability to open windows during that eventful flight has really brought home to me the tragedy of poor workmanship on today's private jets," said Mr. Romney, clearly moved at the thought of his wife tapping her foot impatiently while ordering a steward to open her passenger window.

"We simply cannot stand idly by while job creators and their wives are prevented from opening a little window!" he said.

"So I pledge here today: All private jet windows will open when I am President!" said a newly impassioned Romney.

"Nor will dressage horses be forgotten in non-Olympic years!" Romney said, having quickly moved on to his next passion.

"We will even create a dressage web site for the 47 percent of Americans who will not vote for me to view for a moderate subscription price!" promised candidate Romney.

"Every private school will have mandatory dressage training!" he added on the spot, departing from his written speech.

"Speaking of children and private jets," Romney continued, tying things together, "I will not rest until every child from one of those private schools will one day easily open the perfectly functioning windows of their own private jet!"

In closing, Romney pledged that in lieu of his tax returns, he would instead release the past three years of his wife's foie gras recipes.

"I also pledge that each one is better than the last!" he said.