RNC's Reince Priebus Comes Out as First Republican Created by 3-D Printer

Thought everyone knew based on "totally weird" name.

Reince Priebus by Gage Skidmore 2
photo credit: Gage Skidmore

ITH 3-D printers in the news lately, Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus this morning announced to a press briefing that he is the first Republican ever to be manufactured by 3-D printer technology.

"Honestly, I thought you all knew that," said Priebus, "seeing how I have this totally weird name that couldn't possibly have come from a human being."

Actually named after the Reince Priebus 5000 3-D printer, the RNC Chairman said he was manufactured "in a small factory in Texas" in late 2008, before most people even knew that such technology existed.

Explained Priebus, "At the time, this guy was printing 3-D masks for costumes, when someone, I think it was John McCain who knew the guy, said, 'Hey, let's print out an RNC chairman! No one wants the job anymore,'" recalled the RNC head.

Priebus said he was made of a "highly durable polymer" that could withstand wind, rain, snow, and Republican national conventions. Electronics for Mr. Priebus's Republican personality were built by DreamWorks and modeled on House Speaker John Boehner "and a pinch of Michele Bachmann, for that mad twinkle in my eye," said the 3-D chairman.

The only tweaking was to ensure that Priebus lacked Boehner's emotional component, "or I couldn't get anything done without weeping like a little girl every five seconds" the chairman explained.

Since Reince Priebus is expected to outlast the current Republican membership in Congress, there is some speculation about how to recycle the unit when an updated RNC chairman is printed out in the future.

"I'm fine with that," said Priebus. "I could be melted down and used as a hundred other things. Someday that might be me you wheel out to the curb holding all of your recyclables.

"Although at the moment I'm more of a 'drill-baby-drill' kind of Priebus," he was quick to add.