Eclectic debut offers unique blend of tunefulness and a tin ear.
CTRESS GWYNETH Paltrow, having lately displayed her singing chops in Country Strong, various awards shows, and even the T.V. hit Glee, is offering an exclusive unveiling of her debut album, "Please Don't Hate Me" at an undisclosed SoHo gallery this upcoming weekend.
"I've written every song myself," said Paltrow, "which I guess means I'm even more talented than people knew. Please don't hate meha-ha!"
The opening track, entitled "C-L-E-A-N-S-E," is Gwyneth's homage to country singer Tammy Wynette, and delves into the joys of colon cleansing in an age of McDonalds and Cold Stone Creamery.
"I wanted my fans to know that they have choices in life," implored the singer-actress. "You don't have to order the waffle cone! You can treat yourself to a low-fat yogurt enema instead!"
"If I Earned 25,000" finds the singer taking an imaginative stroll "through a bleak and crowded Walmart aisle" in search of "deals to make a dollar stretch a mile."
"I have NO idea if that captures the mood at Walmart," admitted the singer. "But I do have a vivid imagination, which my husband, Chris Martin of Coldplay, adores. Normally I would have gone to Walmart to do research, much as I do for my acting roles, but I think I would rather die!"
"I May Be Beautiful, but I Can Be Blue Just Like You" is what Paltrow calls "a difficult, gut-wrenching confession, kind of like what Joni Mitchell used to do. But now that she's old, I guess it's my cross to bear!"
Not to give too much away, Ms. Paltrow would only add that her new release also included a love song each to daughter Apple and son Moses. The actress admitted to even having penned a little tune for her website, GOOP entitled, appropriately, "GOOP."
"Don't you love that name?" asked the actress. "It's so wonderfully goopy!"
The cover art is also Paltrow's creation, and has been described by one anonymous source who had caught an early glimpse as "beyond words."
© 3.14.11 Kate Heidel