Obama Signs Five-Year Super-Saver DirecTV Deal for White House

Chief executive appears unconcerned about risks of $150 early cancellation fee in 2012.

RESIDENT Barack Obama has just taken the plunge and signed on to a five-year DirecTV offer described by the satellite company as a "super-saver" deal. Some observers say Obama's move indicates he is feeling optimistic about winning the 2012 election.

In his recent speech to the United Nations, the President signaled his confidence to the assembly when he stated, "peace in the Middle East will not come quickly or easily, but know this: I will be keeping a very close eye on all international events via satellite in the White House for the amazing low price of only $99 a year for five years! That's a contract I intend to keep."

Advisors to the President have been delicate in approaching Mr. Obama regarding the possible difficulties with his DirecTV contract should he fail to win the presidency in 2012.

"We want to be positive about the President's re-election chances while keeping him mindful of the alternative consequences after 2012," said one advisor. "Does he want a Republican president to enjoy unlimited DirecTV viewing for four years at no personal cost, or should Mr. Obama cut his losses and pay the $150 early cancellation fee? It's hard to know how history will judge such decisions."

Not surprisingly, Republicans in Congress and on the campaign trail were quick to criticize the five-year satellite deal.

John Boehner wept uncontrollably. "As a little boy sweeping floors," he recalled, "I could only dream of getting unlimited TV viewing for just $99 a year. But all the President has to do is wave his little finger and presto—this is an outrage!!"

Michele Bachmann called the contract "an insult to hard-working Americans everywhere, who are much too busy protecting their children from government inoculations to sit around watching television! My second act as President, after repealing Obamacare, will be to repeal Obamallite TV!!"

The Congresswoman added that her third act as Chief Executive would be "to hide all my foster children in Lincoln's bedroom and give him the key."