Mice Created from Non-Embryonic Stem Cells Are Displaying Serious Attitude

Eschewing "pedestrian" cheddar, they insist on brie and water crackers.

HE SCIENTIFIC-breakthrough mice Chinese scientists claim were grown directly from non-embryonic stem cells are not being received well by their traditionally conceived counterparts.

"They think they're better than everyone else, just because they didn't go the 'smelly reproductive route,'" complained a clearly angered female mouse named PX 137. "Those are their words, not mine. I love my parents! They raised all 530 of us right here in the lab!!"

"Now, I don't believe I stated it in quite such crass terms," insisted Longworth Mousington, the first male to spring from the stem cells. "However I do find the whole reproductive sexual excursion to be quite unseemly. Am I not entitled to opine on such matters?"

"And another thing," added PX 137, "They sit around all day eating brie cheese, for Pete's sake. What exactly is wrong with cheddar?? It tastes delicious! Or vitamin pellets! Do they have something against healthy and nutritious pellets dropping out of our feeding bins, too??"

"Yeah, the heck with them!" shouted PX 431, one of 137's 246 brothers. "I'll take good old cheddar any day of the week. Nothing like it! Brie my ass!!"

"Oh, well now, if we're going to descend into crudities," began Regina Mousington, Longworth's sibling, "then I'm afraid I must refrain from joining the discussion. Except to say in defense of brie that it is just so delightfully mild and—"

"Oh, oh, it is SO delightfully mild," mocked PX 137. "I tried that slimy stuff once, and once was enough! It stuck to my teeth for a week!! You can keep your lousy brie, lady!"

To restore order in the labs, Chinese scientists have had to place the stem-cell mice cages into an entirely separate room. However, since some traditional mice insist the other room is much better appointed, the move has in some ways created even more friction than before.

"I've been in that room, and they've got windows in there. Natural light!" exclaimed PX 349. "This is an outrage!!"

Said one frustrated scientist, "Much as I hate to say it, I think we may need to call in the cats."