Speeding rock can't avoid lawsuit.
photo credit: David Shankbone derivative work: Underdogger
INGER KANYE WEST has announced that he plans to sue the comet known as 67P for what he calls "Defamation of Kim" for taking up news time "that could have been spent covering my wife's incredible booty. And I mean 'covering' in the sense of news, not in the sense of covering," he explained.
When the European Space Agency last week announced to the world that their probe "Philae" had successfully landed on the speeding comet, all media attention was momentarily distracted from Kim Kardashian's bum to cover the first-ever space mission rather than, as West put it, "focusing on Kim's amazing booty, which the probe did not land on but should've landed on, considering it is the best booty in the universe. Nothing personal against Beyoncé."
West went on to say that he is putting together "an interstellar team of lawyers, who will kick 67P's butt." The singer is reportedly asking for $180 gazillion, trillion, million, billion dollars, however the singer warned, "this isn't close to enough payback for Kim's pain and suffering after putting her booty out there last week for the world to gaze upon, but then nobody gazed upon it because some probe landed crooked on some ugly hunk of rock."
Displaying more indignation than normal even for Kanye West, the singer/rapper pushed through his hurt feelings to insist to reporters that he had not himself been distracted from his wife's derrière "for one single solitary second" during the media's fascination with Philae's dramatic if imperfect landing on the speeding comet.
West did admit, however, that "67P is a pretty good name to have, all around. I can get behind that name. But I'm still gonna sue its butt, all the same," said West, admiring his rhyme and jotting it down for what he called "my future magnum opus" on comet 67P.
"My working title is '67P,'" he revealed.
© 11.18.14 Kate Heidel