Court That Ruled Against NSA Promises Swift Inaction

Circuit court chief judge vows "to leave every stone unturned."

NY US Court of Appelas and Justice Dept IMG 2042
photo credit: Bjoertvedt

HE SECOND Circuit Court of Appeals' recent ruling against the National Security Agency (NSA)—in which the agency's bulk collection of phone records was ruled illegal—will be followed by swift inaction, according to Chief Judge Robert Katzmann.

Keeping to the court's promise, no sooner had the ruling been released than the second circuit promptly refused to order data collection stopped.

"Although, there is one thing we most certainly did do, if I may preemptively answer our inevitable critics," said Chief Judge Katzmann.

"We quite decisively deferred to Congress, so that they might have time to pass a measure that would approve the NSA's practices."

"Put that in your pipe and smoke it," the judge added.

On the other side of the controversial issue, the NSA released a brief statement disagreeing with the circuit court's ruling, but praising "its commitment to inaction as Congress strives to enable our agency's important work of collecting telephone metadata. Which, we'd like to remind Americans, tells us nothing about the actual content of your calls unless we decide, in our infinite wisdom, to look into it just a teensy bit further."

Chief Judge Katzmann also vowed "to leave every stone unturned" now that the ruling was a matter of record and "might be getting people's hopes up."

"Maybe we shouldn't have ruled at all," pondered the judge. "But we can't undo what is done," he added.

"However," Judge Katzmann said in closing, "we will try our utmost not to repeat the mistake of doing something again."