Millions of Americans Face Terrifying Prospect of Receiving Medical Care

Calmly waiting to die while in bankruptcy may be the latest beloved American tradition to meet its end.

ITH THE U. S. House health-reform bill passed, millions of fearful Americans are looking to the Senate to block legislation that may forcibly remove one of their most treasured of all American birthrights: receiving substandard health insurance, and, for the lucky 48 million, no health insurance whatsoever.

For those freely denied health insurance today, the specter of universal coverage is leading many to question what it even means to be an American citizen.

Said one man at an anti health-reform rally, "My father and his father did not have health insurance. They were free Americans, who were proud to fight their cancer with God and a little mash of of bitter almond and royal jelly. I only hope I can live to be 53 like both of them before the commie Democrats force me to get screenings and other hocus pocus. Live free or die, I say!!"

Other Americans, who have for decades enjoyed health insurance riddled with loopholes, are clearly frightened just to contemplate the possibility of dependable coverage.

"If there are no pre-existing conditions anymore, how do I even know I exist?" cried one woman demonstrator, overcome with emotion. "I - I've always been turned down because of my hysterectomy. It's who I am!! Please don't take my identity away from me, I beg you!!"

Citing these heartfelt concerns, Senator Joseph Lieberman of Connecticut vowed that he would "do my level best to see that the pleas of millions of patriotic Americans with chronic health conditions that have remained untreated for years due to our world-class insurance restrictions will not go unheard. I hear you, and I hereby make this solemn promise: no American will be forced on my watch to have the option of choosing the comprehensive health insurance for life that has been forced upon me and my colleagues in Congress. Oh, and upon our unfortunate families.

"No one will be denied their inalienable right as Americans to forget to list acne as a pre-existing condition on their insurance forms and then be rejected by our finest insurance carriers. How dare we as a legislative body deny these rights to ordinary Americans just because we government elitists and our elitist families are forced into full, inexpensive coverage for life! This travesty of justice will not happen with my vote, I assure you."

"That sounds good," said the woman clinging desperately to her hysterectomy, "but will he stick to his guns, or lose his nerve at the last minute? I am so skeptical of Washington politicians, especially now that the House has betrayed us."