French Men Go into Mourning over Possible Mass Breast Implant Removal

"Pourquoi?" on the lips of many.

S FRANCE braces for a potential mass removal of suspect breast implants in women across the country, French men have already gone into mourning at the prospect.

"It is too horrible," said one French man sitting in his neighborhood cafe in Paris. "I believe that France will not be the same if this atrocity is completed."

A man sitting within earshot and wearing a black armband agreed.

"This is not done in France!" he insisted. "It is barbaric to make the women plus petite all at the same time. C'est un crime!!"

In typical French fashion, some men have already organized sporadic strikes to protest the potential implant removals. Holding up bras and marching through the streets of Paris, male strikers have been heard shouting "Fill these cups!" and "Remove the removers!"

Strike organizer François Leboeuf admitted that the protests may not have much effect on a decision considered a matter of public health, "but we cannot sit idle when the breast enhancements are perhaps going away," he said, weeping quietly.

Other French men are gathering support from the Occupy movement, and are planning an "Occupy Rue de Bustier" sit-in and demonstration outside the offices of the Minister of Defense in Paris.

"For every bra you try to evict," said an Occupy protester, "we will encamp before it and fight eviction to the death! Well, perhaps not to the death," he said, reconsidering, "but to a degree that most people would find quite impressive."

French President Nicolas Sarkozy, for his part, recently announced at a press conference that St. Valentine's Day would be designated a national day of mourning "in the event the implant removals are deemed necessary."

In response, all French Victoria's Secret stores have promised to honor Sarkozy's designation by flying their bras at half staff on February 14.