Three Calming Recipes for Your Election-Day Jitters

Relaxation is just a recipe away!


Evening Chai
photo credit: alykat


HIS YEAR, Election Day is likely to come with a few extra-frazzled nerves. Whether you feel like soothing those jitters with a nice hot cup of Indian tea, a classic Spanish egg preparation, or a hearty vegetarian entree, all of our delightful recipes are sure to help calm the storm. Enjoy!


Indian Chai-azepine

1 tablespoon loose black tea

1 green cardamom pod

2 whole peppercorns

1-2 valium

1/2-inch slice of ginger, minced finely

whole milk


Bring one cup of water to a gentle boil. Add loose tea and milk. Lower heat to simmer.

In a mortar and pestle, coarsely grind cardamom, pepper, and valium.

Add spice mixture and ginger to tea and simmer another 2-3 minutes.

Pour tea mixture through mesh strainer into tea mug.

Stack pillows on one end of couch for head. Place Stan Getz on turntable.

Sip chai slowly, taking care not to drool hot liquid onto chest.


Spanish Eggs Benzo

1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil

3 eggs

freshly ground pepper

3 valium

salt to taste

crusty bread, warmed


In cast-iron skillet, heat olive oil on medium-high until shimmering.

Break eggs into oil.

Sprinkle salt and pepper over eggs.

Gently place one whole valium on each egg yoke.

Cook until egg whites are set. Drain on paper towels before serving.

Eat until dipping bread into eggs becomes impossible without giggling uncontrollably.

Pass out (optional).


Roasted Cauliflorium

1 large head of cauliflower

1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil

4-5 valium

salt and pepper to taste


Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

Slice cauliflower into slabs and arrange on baking sheet.

Pour olive oil over cauliflower and toss to coat.

Sprinkle salt and freshly ground pepper over slices.

In a mortar and pestle, coarsely grind valium and sprinkle over slices.

Lick bottom of mortar.

Bake cauliflower 25-30 minutes until golden brown at the edges.

Notice that cauliflower slabs look like brains. Wait 10 seconds. Notice that you donít care.