Convenience Clinic Closed for Being Too Convenient

Health-care organization says it will "retool" convenience model.

 MINNEAPOLIS Convenience Clinic was abruptly shut down last Friday in response to customer satisfaction surveys that indicated the clinic was rated "excellent" in providing convenient health-care services at a reasonable price.

Advantasia, the health-care company which operates the area's Convenience Clinics, released a statement Friday morning promising to re-open the Minneapolis facility at another location "immediately after we retool our convenience model."

The company says its new location for the clinic "will be situated in the same neighborhood as a parking ramp that is very convenient for businesses closer to the ramp than we are."

Parking at the ramp for clinic visitors is limited to fourteen poorly marked spaces in one dimly lit corner of the facility. Although parking will not be validated, "it will be heated by overhead lamps for the entire month of December (except evenings and weekends)!" according to the company statement.

Visitors to the new clinic will enjoy long waits, screaming children, and static-filled hits of the 80s from a cheap sound system emanating mysteriously out of the ceiling.

The retooled clinic will be staffed by nursing students "whose GPAs rank at or below the 20th percentile," according to the statement, "because we at Advantasia believe in second chances!"

And finally, visitors to the new clinic are encouraged to be active participants in their own health care by bringing along any unused, old prescriptions, whose outdated labels, according to Advantasia, "we will conveniently replace with new ones, so you can finish taking your medications with confidence!"