Exciting new candidate predicts own landslide victory.
photo credit: DESQie
HORTLY AFTER a newly disgraced Anthony Weiner dropped out of the New York City mayoral race after additional sexting incidents came to light, a new face on the scene, Carlos Danger, called a press conference outside City Hall to announce his candidacy.
Surrounded by adoring females who, Mr. Danger explained, were his "extremely loyal staff," the newly minted mayoral candidate promised a sweeping victory.
"I will make all my opponents look like little helpless girls who lose at hopscotch and then cry into their hankies," he said while fondling a gold medallion around his chest.
Mr. Danger wasted no time outlining his strategy for securing a win and serving as mayor.
"First, I will dominate the election by the most tremendous landslide the city has ever seen. Then, I will immediately win the hearts of New Yorkers all across this city. Every day I will fix all of their problems, but no matter how difficult are my duties, I will always have more than enough left in me to make love to my woman for hours each night," pledged the new candidate.
When asked by a reporter whether he was ready to risk revealing the details of his personal life in order to run for mayor, Mr. Danger replied, "Risk is my middle name, my lovely chiquita. And when you are lucky enough to uncover my details, a thrill will run up and down your spine. And now you must give me your phone number."
The energetic new candidate named just a few items at the top of his list should he become Mayor of New York City.
"I will make our subways run on rails of gold. I will be a magician who makes crime disappear. And I will make every woman in New York City feel that she is the most beautiful creature who ever walked the earth, because she is!"
Anthony Weiner's wife Huma could not be reached for comment on the new candidate who was replacing her husband. A spokeswoman for Ms. Abedin said the former State Department aide was busy putting the final touches on her new memoir, Fifty Shades of Sayonara.
© 7.29.13 Kate Heidel