Obama Confirms He Was Tripping When Signing Indefinite Detention into Law

"As the hippies used to say, 'that was some strong sh*t,'" admitted the President.

photo credit: don relyea

MID SCATHING criticism of his recent signing into law of a provision that would allow the indefinite detention of American citizens without their constitutional right to a trial, President Obama yesterday admitted that he had signed the bill while tripping on LSD.

In a statement read to the White House press corps, Mr. Obama said he wanted "to be straight with the American people. A president would have to be in an altered state of mind before signing a law that stripped citizens of a basic constitutional right. I was in that altered state. I was tripping on acid, and I shouldn't have been. It won't happen again. Of that the American people can be certain."

The president said during the Q and A portion of his press conference that he had reached out to the hallucinogen since finding it more difficult to quit smoking than he had anticipated.

"Look," the President began, "I was tense, I wanted to try another cessation approach, and I found myself dropping a little acid. It wasn't exactly the best idea, but I can tell you I didn't think about cigarettes for the rest of the day. And I got a lot of work done, considering the Oval Office had turned into an undulating cosmic creature of unimaginable beauty.

"As the hippies used to say, 'that was some strong sh*t,'" admitted the President.

Mr. Obama vowed to immediately sign an addendum to nullify the indefinite detention portion of the new defense appropriation bill, and also promised not to sign any future bills during LSD flashbacks.

"I will lock myself in the Lincoln bedroom until the hallucinatory desire to undo a constitutional civil liberty passes," the President promised.

In closing, Mr. Obama also stated his commitment to steer clear of LSD when any critical materials whatsoever crossed his desk for a presidential signature.

"I vow to the American people that, as long as I am President, I will sign documents with nothing stronger in my system than a little black coffee. Or maybe green tea," the President said. "'Zen' tea is nice," he added. "It's very focusing, and doesn't require a ten-hour commitment and Michelle talking me down."