Ten Easy Ways to Stop Reading Articles in the Form of Lists!

1959 ... big blue rules!
photo credit: x-ray delta one

RE YOU sick and tired of seeing "list" articles everywhere on the Internet? "Twelve Ways to Improve Your Love Life"? "Eight Super Foods That Will Make You Live Longer"??

We know it's tough to resist clicking on these, even though you inevitably feel like a complete idiot for having fallen for the same tired format, which never teaches you anything useful and never will. Yuck!

So we've come up with ten easy ways to say "No" to articles in the form of lists!!

1. Just say "No."

This may sound like nothing more than a trite restatement of the title of our article, but we're just getting started, so read on!!

2. Be honest.

The next time you run across a "list" article, ask yourself these two questions: "Do I have time to read this right now?" and "Shouldn't I be getting back to work?"

If you answered "No" and "Yes" in that order, you're making progress!

3. Put on your thinking cap.

This is what teachers used to say to their little students when it was time to solve a problem. We still think that's great advice! If you want to solve the problem of why you keep clicking into list articles, just put on your—well, you know!!

4. Click on something nearby, instead of the actual article itself.

It's easy! Say you really want to click on "Six Ways to Lose Five Pounds in One Day." But there are lots of other articles located very nearby. Click on one of those instead. We guarantee you'll be reading something else in no time!!

5. If you do click on a list article, poke yourself with a sharp object.

This is what psychologists call "punishment." Apparently, if you keep "punishing" yourself, you will "extinguish" your desire to read these pesky articles. Why, you're practically a firefighter!

Fun tip: If you "punish" yourself to the point of "drawing blood," just Google "first aid for puncture wounds." Now pat yourself on the back, or wherever it is that you're not currently bleeding, for saving time and money skipping the ER!

6. Did you really put on your thinking cap??

Because if you didn't, now would be a great time!!

7. Join a support group, or start one of your own.

You could call it "List-less in Seattle," but that's just an incredibly clever suggestion you can attempt but then most likely fail to improve upon.

Helpful Hint: Don't forget to substitute your actual city name, unless you live in Seattle!!

8. Repeat steps 1 through 4, except for 3, which is the thinking-cap step, which we are confident you have completed.

Because relationships are built upon trust, we are going to trust that you have donned your thinking cap, and we won't mention it again.

9. Ever.

10. Our final step is, like so many other final steps, kind of a "sweet nothing." Not so much like an ardent admirer whispering sweet nothings into your ear, but more like something that sounds really nice but that you can't quite see the point of, followed by an encouraging send-off.

Well then, you're on your way!!