Coffee with Jane


Jane: Well, good morning, Sally!!

Sally: Hi Jane! Say, I'm just stopping by to steal a cup of sugar!

Jane: Hoho, you scamp! Come on in and have a cup of coffee—it's fresh brewed!

Sally: It smells like a Parisian cafe in here, Jane! How do you do it?

Jane: Well, Sal, it's all in the beans—Majors, of course!

Sally: Majors?! I thought they were the cheap brand!

Jane: There's cheap and then there's a good buy, Sal! Here, just take a sip!

Sally: Well—okay! Wow!! That doesn't taste cheap! I'm switching—today!! Well, look who's up! Hi Caitlin! You're looking chipper today! I guess you won't be needing your Mom's delicious coffee! More for me!

Jane: Scamp!

Caitlin: Good Morning! [Stretches expansively.] Boy, I just got the sleep of a lifetime last night!

Sally: Was someone out late with her boyfriend? [Winks at Jane.]

Caitlin: No. [Yawns loudly.] Billy had practice.

Jane: Catie's been taking Funk-off, Sally!! Now her worries are a thing of the past!

Sally: Why, Jane, I'm—

Jane: Oh-ho, it's nothing to be concerned about, Sal! Funk-off is a safe and effective treatment for mild to moderate depression, when taken as directed! Ask your doctor!

Sally: Well, I have been feeling a little listless lately—okay, I will! Say, where's Bob this morning? Traveling on business again?

Jane: That's what he tells me, but I don't believe it for a minute!

Sally: Jane! You don't?

Jane: No, hoho! I've got my ear to the ground, and he's having an affair! With his secretary!! How 'bout a top off for that coffee, Sal?

Sally: Well, sure, but Jane, I—

Jane: Yes, with the professionals at Larsen Investigators, I think we've got an open-and-shut case! I never could have done it without them! Here's their card, Sal, because as the folks at Larsen say, "You can never be too sure"!!

Sally: Why, thanks, Jane, I'll give them a call at their toll-free number!

Jane: And it's so easy to remember! Just dial 1-800-SNOOPIT!

Sally: What's that number again, Jane? I've forgotten my glasses!

Jane: That's 1-800-SNOOPIT, Sal! Give them a call, and tell them I sent you!!

Sally: I will, Jane, thanks!! Say, Jane, before I go—

Jane: Don't be in a hurry to run off, Sally! Here's a refill, and how about a pastry from Bentman's?!

Sally: Oh, Jane, you're too much! Why, sure, I'd love a Bentman's pastry—because they're—

Unison: The Pastriest!!

Sally: Oh, I just love their motto—AND buttery pastry goodness!!

Jane: AND variety!!

Unison: No kidding!!!

Jane: Say Sal, how about making that coffee an Irish CREME coffee—mmmmm, yummy!!

Sally: Oh, I don't know, Jane . . .

Jane: Hoho, Sal, it's a great way to unwind after all that caffeine!

Sally: Well—okay! Why, you're the bestest hostess in the neighborhood, Jane!! Oops! I said "bestest"!!

Jane: That's because you're sipping McBiddles—the bestest Irish Creme in all the land!! I think I'll join ye, lass!!

Sally: Yes, join me in a bit o' the 'Biddles!!

Caitlin: Mom, are you drinking McBiddles again for breakfast?

Jane: Come and join us, honey! I'll brew some fresh hod brew!!

Caitlin: No, you two go ahead—I'm on Funk-off, remember?

Jane: 'Member? I put you onit, snookums!! Say, honey, d'joo get laid yet, or what!

Caitlin: Mom!! In front of Sally!!

Sally: Don' mine me, sweetie, g'out 'n get some, jus' like Moomy says! Hey! Janie! We're 'vorce, right?

Jane: ME am! Almos you too, hahahhhhhaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

Sally: D-IV-RCEEE!!! Likesongsez. HAAA!!!

Jane: WHOO! Breathbomb bigtime.

Sally: Oh gaah, sahree!!

Jane: NO f'in problemo. F'in f'in f'in. BAD GIRLS!!


Caitlin: You know what, Ladies? I think it's time for your morning nap! Come along with me now, girls. Nap time for Mommy and Sal.

Jane: Nappy nappy HAAAA!

Sally: oknappy. Cig'rette!!

Caitlin: No-o-o-o, just nappy, okay?

Jane: K!

Sally: k.